Jake was right, two weeks.
I think the best in people. I think people can change, instantly.
That they really are just flawed humans and can change things.
I believe that so strongly.
That it blinds everything else.
How can I not be his friend?
Not be there for him when I cared for him?
Yes, I admit it, I was attached...
More then I'll probably ever voice.
In my head, we were perfect.
I see why we arn't PERFECT.
But I still see how it could work.
He would have to change.
He would have to change for me.
Be completely and utterly unselfish.
And do something completely for me.
And I'm not sure he would....
Even as we talk now, and he tells me how bad he feels, how he was scared
About his feelings and how much he fucked up. That hes a pussy and always fuck up.
I just, don't know if he could be that unselfish.
In a twisted sense.
It makes me happy that he wishes he was still with me.
That he knows he fucked up royally and that I'm better then her.
And he admitted it.
And that hes in pain because he know how much he fucked up.
That makes me smile....
Does that make me a bad person?
I'm not going to date him again anytime soon.
Not to mention EVERYONE would kill me.
Murder me.
But no one understands.
I care and love unconditionally.
I know everyone messes up.
I know that no one is perfect.
And I never expect anyone to be.
I give people chance after chance after chance because I believe.
I believe so strongly in mankind.
In the pure will of things.
I believe with everything in me that people can change.
That if they want to be a better person.
They can be.
They just might not have the means to do so yet.
And I want to be the means.
I want to help everyone.
Hell, I want to love everyone.
And maybe we'll be better as friends.
But as he has said.
We're kindered spirits.
And I know hes apart of my life.
I knew it the very first day I met him.
I'm losing my train of thought now.
Going off to watch Cry-Baby with Brennen.
Goodnight.
Will write more about this later.
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