I feel... crushed, worthless, ugly, unimportant, everything bad.
Yet I'm going to pretend none of those are there.
Because they are all brought on by him.
God I want to crush every bone in his body.
And watch him suffer in pain.
Oh yeah your a fuck up? Well maybe, JUST MAYBE, you should stop fucking up.
By NOT CHEATING ON ME.
WITH A GIRL.
WHO HAS A BOYFRIEND.
AND THEN PROCEEDING TO DATE HER.
YOUR FUCKING RETARDED.
R E T A R D E D.
I Hope she crushes him, and destroys anything left in that boy.
Like, really?
Shes a slut. S L U T.
From what I understand is she sleeps around like NO other.
Like, if your a guy, have interest in her. She'll date you. EVEN THOUGH.
Shes with some army guy supposedly and loves and misses him so much.
MY ASS.
God I want to beat that bitch..
Fuck. I'm so angry
Why have I turned into such a spiteful person?
When did this happen?
Why can't I ever date anyone who ISN'T a jackass?
I feel stupid. Worthless. Like I'm not important enough for someone to ACTUALLY
think/care/want to be with.
UGH. I give up. I say this all the time. ALL the time.
But wtf.
I'm just so angry. Because I did, I really liked him.
And I get nothing. MAYBE if I turn into a crazy, unstable bitch.
THEN, THEN some guy I like will want to be with me.
I'll just flip a bitch whenever I'm slightly upset.
Like FUCK.
I want to cry. More then I ever have.
But I can't.
I don't want to shed a tear because of him.
Because this is all so fucking stupid.
MAYBE, he wouldn't have felt like so many things changed if he TALKED to me.
That is basically the KEY to all relationships.
Communication.
And if theres no communication?
Well you might as well not fucking date at all.
Because honestly?
There is no point. AT ALL.
UUUUGGGGGGGHHHHH.
SO.
ANGRY.
I just want someone to care about me, come home to me at night (not literally speaking), hold me and tell me everything is going to get better.
To be my best friend and my lover.
To understand my looks and jokes, my weirdness and randomness.
Why is that so hard?
For him to maybe even be cute and think I'm amazing?
Not that I'm perfect. Just amazing.
Why is that so hard?
Am I just wanting too much?
Everyone tells me I deserve so much.
That I deserve the world.
Yet I can't seem to get that.
Maybe its my own fault. Because I just want to save someone.
I want their feelings to be as strong as mine.
....
I want to hate him.
I want to wish horrible horrible HORRIBLE things on him....
But at the end of the day.
I know I don't mean most of it.
I don't hate him.
And somewhere I wish him happiness.... Even if its hidden by my anger...
I just want him to see what he lost.
What he gave up. What he fucked up on....
And I don't think he will see that....
Most of my ex's see AFTER THE FACT.
AFTER they fuck up....
But by then its too late. Its always too late.
And here they come....
Tears. Endless tears...
Remember the times we had together....
I sound SO pathetic.
Fuck I hate myself. We only dated for like, 2-3 weeks.
But I don't understand why this hurts so much.
Goodnight.
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