Thoughts be spinnin

I realized something today.
All I want is to be me.
I've always wanted something.
But I've never realized, maybe what I want,
I already have.
I want to be me.
Idc if I'm popular.
Idc if I'm pretty.
Idc if I'm the thinnest.
Idc about anything really.
And maybe I'm selfish in that aspect.
But no one matters unless I love you.
And if I love you.
I think I could stop time with that amount of will.
That amount of strength within me.
Love, my love, can't be measured.
Because there is no limit to it.
Unless I put a limit. Or you do....

I guess that brings me to my next thought.
I love a man.
Who I'm probably never going to meet.
Who most likely doesn't care nearly as much as I do.
And could possibly be lying about everything.
Yet. I love him. For some unreasonable reason.
There is no logic or reasoning to understand it.
I just do.
And it honestly hurts me to. But, thats who I've decided to love.
And if he decides to stop, to say no to me.
Then I will, in a sense, break my own heart.
I will make it stop. If I have to....
I've done it before.... And I cry, and cry and cry.
Until a couple weeks later it gets better.
And I'm able to completely function again.
And honestly, for my own well being.
I probably should.
I think I'm crazy for loving him.
Yet, all I want is for him to be happy.
To know more about him, to talk to him, to make him smile and laugh.
He said maybe I was infatuated with him.
And....
I honestly don't know what to really say to that.
I want him to be happy. And I want that happiness, in part, to come from me.
I want to be the person he says I love you too.
And if he decides that he no longer wishes to be apart of my life.
Then so be it.
But he'll actually need to talk to me about this.
Not just leave me hangin.

I wonder, the people that read this, if you think I'm crazy.
I wonder that myself.
I never come up with an answer.
Just that I'm me.
And I don't think I'd want it any other way.