Madness

Today I feel like an outsider.
An outsider to my own life.
Today I worked but I didn't really feel that into it.
Today I wanted to curl up in the middle of petsmart and pretend my uterus wasn't trying to shove blood out of me.
Work was painfully slow, yet I felt like I was always busy.
Maybe I did a lot, maybe I didn't.
I notice I work a lot more with the animals then most.
I could have done more tanks but instead, I bonded with the new bird....
Is that bad?

Its raining and I feel like the rain brings something new to my life.
Except I don't know what it is.
I also think I'm quiet tired and refusing to sleep is making me delirious.
I feel like I'm not in control anymore and I'm spinning out of control.
Except that I haven't moved.
I've been getting more and more headaches and they are actually starting to piss me off.
I havn't gotten headaches in such a long time and I don't know why they are starting now.
I'm also starving so that might be a reason.
I want to call someone to get something to eat, but I know no one would go out with me.
Its raining and almost 2 in the morning.
Yep I guess I'll have to hunt for food here.
I don't start work till later in the afternoon tomorrow.
I'm most likely going to sleep because I honestly don't have much better to do then that.
I could go see one of my friends....
But sleeping just sounds so much more appealing.
I think I'm depressed too.
The sun doesn't even seem to make me feel better sometimes.
Its usually when I'm alone, when I sit and think but not really think.

I think I'm going crazy.
My head is still pounding. Its in the back and like radiates out around my head.
Like two giant hands smashing into my head.
Ow.

I also think I want to move, to get a change of pace. But I wouldn't do that.
Couldn't.
I wouldn't leave my job first off.
And second I have no where to go and no one to go with.
If only I was a better loner....

I'm listening to Yellow Card and its bringing back such fond memories.
Of laying in my bed listening to them....
><;
Never mind on that.
Did I mention my uterus really hurts?
Like, it comes in waves.
I honestly want to trade body parts with any guy willing.
Just, I'll take all your guy parts for a week.
And I'll give you all of my girl parts. Uterus, ovaries, vagina, and boobs included.
:D

And now I am going to go back to roaming the net and finding something to entertain myself.
Good Night and Good morning all.
May all your wishes come true.
<3