Pokemon FTW

Taking Back Sunday has re-entered into my life.

And god do I welcome them with open arms.

They remind me of so many good times, and I know them. They are so comfortable.

Its weird to talk about music like that.

But its true.

They always say exactly what I want to hear. Even if it can be slightly depressing.

Thats OK with me.

I realize after much needed sleep. I have a lot to say, a lot I desperately want and need to say.

But can't.

Won't.

Maybe soon. Maybe not. I just don't have that strength in me.

Which is funny, because I can be so strong so many other places.

Except for saying exactly how I feel. Exactly what I'm feeling.

Exactly what I want.

I just don't want the world to know.

I don't need the world to know how I feel.

Just what I tell them.

"Is there a hole in your heart or am I mistaken?"

He means a lot to me.

Someone I don't think I ever want to be without.

Makes me want to be stronger.

Want to overcome anything.

Sometimes for him, sometimes for myself.

He makes me believe.

Maybe because I believe in him. Maybe because he believes in me.

I said once, we are perfect for each other.

I still, sorta stand by that. But its a mismatched perfect.

If that even makes sense.

Although I am hopeful, I am in general 'up'. Theres still an underlying feeling of sadness.

That I really wish wasn't there.

I hide it a lot. All the time.

But its there.

I want to explore the world with him.

I want to share everything with him.

I want to go on grand adventures.

Show and be shown.

I want to grow with him.

Pokemon has become yet again, my addiction.

I love Pokemon like a fat kid loves cake.

SERIOUSLY.

It just makes me happy. ^^

So does reading, but that draws me too far into my own thoughts. Makes me think. Builds too much energy. Makes me feel stronger. Is that weird? Is that even possible?

EH. Well it happens.

To me, its funny. How I try to hide behind false truths. That my motives are always hidden. That I can never actually tell anyone because then they would be that much closer to me.

And I don't want that. Because if they get close they break. They shatter me. And I'm not letting that happen. Everyone must stay at a distance. Or well, almost everyone. Maybe because I always pull back. I'm scared. HORRIBLY scared, so I hide. I do a lot of hiding. Seems to be the best course of action.

I'm happy, when I'm not freaking out. I'm amazingly happy. Thats all that matters.

Thats all that should ever matter.

Happiness.

And now I've lost interest in writing. Lol Figures right?

Good night.

I love you.

Ayla