Migraine = Win

Anger.

That has become my new emotion of not choice.

Anger. Pure endless anger.

To the point I just want to beat someone.

Not shoot them.

BEAT them. I want to feel every swing I take as I beat their face in.

I guess I really shouldn't say that....

But would you rather I lied?

I want to cry.

Endless amounts of tears that leave me breathless.

To where I'd rather feel anything else then whats causing me to cry.

I feel, like I'm reaching a point where I'm going to snap.

I'm going to just loose it.

Maybe.

Or maybe I just need some sleep and for this earth slipping migraine to go away.

I wish I could read peoples minds.

And I wish he could read mine.

Then someone would understand. He would understand.

And I would understand everything. Every. Little. Thing.

No doubts, no worries.

I would just know.

But I don't live in a fairy tale as much as I try to hide myself in them.

I can't kill people.

I can't read peoples minds.

I can't really... do much of anything.

The only thing I can do I won't even dare try.

I just.... I wish I could explain.

To put all of your hatred, that energy you build when your angry and SHOVE it into someone else.

Make them feel everything.

....

Migraine is killing me.

I think its the the point where I can't see right. Can't think right....

Everything seems off.

Really really bad migraine.

And I'm really really hot...

Maybe I have a fever...

EH why don't I care?

I almost don't want to finish this post.

You'll going to think I'm crazy.

Or legitly losing it.

No.... I'm just tired. And saying exactly, almost exactly, what I feel.

Don't wanna be in my head now do you?

Because its feels pretty empty right now.

I HATE when that happens.

When I just feel empty. Like the lights are on.

But no one is home. No one at all.

I just.... am.

Like someone could just step on in and take control.

Bitch please. This is my head. D<

I hate that we fight.

I hate that I don't get to see him all the time.

I hate that he doesn't text me as much as I want him to.

I hate that I can't trust him.

I hate our work schedule's.

I hate that we feel the same way, but its still different. We still aren't on the same page.

I hate that I miss him so much.

I hate when we are away.

I hate that he drives me crazy.

Yet.

None of that matters when we aren't fighting.

When I get to see him all the time.

When he texts me seven times when I'm asleep.

When I do trust him.

When we actually have a day off together.

When we finally catch up to each other.

When I'm with him.

When he drives me crazy.

I wish he was here.

I'd make him hold me until this headache went away.

He'd melt my anger away.

Somehow, he would.

I wish, I could just show him how I felt.

Show him the extent.

How him how hard this is for me.

How much I'm preparing to get hurt....

I wish.... I just....

"I choose to live"

My priorities are in the wrong place again.

I need to concentrate on work.

And work alone. Honestly.

I need to be promoted.

I need this more then I needed a lot of things.

But I'm so scared. I feel stuck and I'm not sure if I can get out.

So beyond scared to grow. To move.

What if I fail. So scared to fail.

I think, above all, I still want to live in my bubble.

Or least, thats how I feel right now.

I don't want to leave my safety net.

But I keep clawing at it to get out.

UGH. MIGRAINE KEEPS ME FROM THINKING.

Goodnight.

Because I can't take this shit anymore.

I love you.

More then words will ever be able to explain.