Empty thoughts.

Its funny. I'll get all excited to write to have something to say. And when I finally get to it, my heads blank. There are no thoughts, words, nothing. Emptiness. As if someone wiped my head clean of everything there was.

I don't know what to say, I never know what to say. I loss my words completely.

Lost. Because they don't matter.

I watch other peoples emotions, watch them spike, watch them hold a conversation. And I sit here and watch. Listen. Lost within my own head. Lost watching the colors.

Everything hurts. A tight horrible pain in my chest. Where I want to puke, to get sick and can't.

My blood starts to rush through my veins and I shake. First lightly, and then violently.

As it takes hold of me.

My thoughts race, over emotions, running into each other and colliding.

I forget how to breath, forget how to function. Because I just have to know. Need to know.

After a while, my thoughts go black. Bleek with doubt. Worry. Concern.

I don't know. And thats exactly the problem.

I don't know. I don't know anything. I don't know whats going on. Which kills more then anything.

Because then I'm stuck with my own thoughts.

And random emotions I feel.

Sadness. Anger. Depression. Rage. Concern. Worry. Doubt.

Too much for me to handle.

A roller coaster of emotions that I can't seem to control.

And only half are from me.

Need to learn to control.

Take control. What is control again?

Definitely depressed. Definitely hiding it. Ignoring it.

Definitely in need of the biggest cry of my life.

Yet it won't come.

So I'll give and I'll give until it does.

Until it comes and it all comes flying out. All at once. Because it needs to get out. Its ripping its way out. And all I want to do is let go.